A day in the life...
Well, I'm finally getting around to adding a post to my blog. I've been very busy lately (what's new??), so I haven't been very good about reflecting here.
I've had a pretty stressful last couple of weeks and it's only going to get more stressful. I do my best, but often I feel lost and alone. I've been engaged in a long struggle with myself over beliefs, goals, and personal biases. As part of my education at good old "Tommy Tech", I have to take a series of courses on personal and social boundaries. This series culminates in a project where I must break my own boundaries and go beyond into the great wild world.
This is a struggle for any country, Catholic boy. Every comfort and luxury my parents and local society have given me promotes a sheltered existence. While this is fine for growing into adolescence, real "growing up" must be done outside these boundaries. I have certainly done a great deal of boundary exploring (El Salvador, Belize, Cru, Hospice, BETA club). But I have not necessarily broken the boundaries as far as my personal outlook is concerned. I still believe what my parents and the Church have taught me about God and Jesus, and I don't want that to change. But I feel as though I'm not being honest with myself if I don't admit that I still have biases and hold stereotypes for certain groups.
One of my biggest struggles is in religion. When I speak with a Protestant Christian about matters of faith, I can't help but put a screen over what their words with a caution sign. I am skeptical of their beliefs. I guess this is a good thing, because it shows my devotion to my own beliefs; though, I still feel guilty for not giving them a fair shake.
Furthermore, in reference to Sends' post "God takes us back" I tend to be quite outspoken in the pickier matters (as is Ris). I want to be a shining example of Christ in YOUR life; I don't think Jesus would let you just skim by unchallenged in your faith. The idea is to have a dangerous faith, where evildoers want to keep you from spreading Christs' Love. Not that I'm challenging others for this reason; I just want people to be sure they believe what they think they believe. I hope you will do the same for me.
Finally (I think), I'd like to comment that I feel that sin is conquerable, at least minimally. If you read Sends' blog and my comment you'll understand this. I don't think I did justice to my point I was trying to make regarding temptation and sin: Don't Worry!! God will provide a way, or an outlet if you trust in Him. I didn't mean to imply that I want anyone to stop praying.
~~
Tone of this post: Serious Longing, giving way to slight Frustration late in the post
I've had a pretty stressful last couple of weeks and it's only going to get more stressful. I do my best, but often I feel lost and alone. I've been engaged in a long struggle with myself over beliefs, goals, and personal biases. As part of my education at good old "Tommy Tech", I have to take a series of courses on personal and social boundaries. This series culminates in a project where I must break my own boundaries and go beyond into the great wild world.
This is a struggle for any country, Catholic boy. Every comfort and luxury my parents and local society have given me promotes a sheltered existence. While this is fine for growing into adolescence, real "growing up" must be done outside these boundaries. I have certainly done a great deal of boundary exploring (El Salvador, Belize, Cru, Hospice, BETA club). But I have not necessarily broken the boundaries as far as my personal outlook is concerned. I still believe what my parents and the Church have taught me about God and Jesus, and I don't want that to change. But I feel as though I'm not being honest with myself if I don't admit that I still have biases and hold stereotypes for certain groups.
One of my biggest struggles is in religion. When I speak with a Protestant Christian about matters of faith, I can't help but put a screen over what their words with a caution sign. I am skeptical of their beliefs. I guess this is a good thing, because it shows my devotion to my own beliefs; though, I still feel guilty for not giving them a fair shake.
Furthermore, in reference to Sends' post "God takes us back" I tend to be quite outspoken in the pickier matters (as is Ris). I want to be a shining example of Christ in YOUR life; I don't think Jesus would let you just skim by unchallenged in your faith. The idea is to have a dangerous faith, where evildoers want to keep you from spreading Christs' Love. Not that I'm challenging others for this reason; I just want people to be sure they believe what they think they believe. I hope you will do the same for me.
Finally (I think), I'd like to comment that I feel that sin is conquerable, at least minimally. If you read Sends' blog and my comment you'll understand this. I don't think I did justice to my point I was trying to make regarding temptation and sin: Don't Worry!! God will provide a way, or an outlet if you trust in Him. I didn't mean to imply that I want anyone to stop praying.
~~
Tone of this post: Serious Longing, giving way to slight Frustration late in the post
posted by Michael-Fay @ 9/13/2004 05:39:00 PM
1 Comments:
At September 20, 2004 7:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hey there cuzz...I just got done reading all of your blogs from start to finish (minus the like 2 I had already read) and so this might be a little confusing because I think there's a lot I want to say to you right now. I just want you to know that I love you and that you mean the world to me. I don't just leave you notes on Thursdays because your car is next to Dave's, I leave them because I miss you so much. I honestly don't know what I would do without you and I'm sorry if I ever left you out of anything (like something back in July, that I"m assuming was me, but I have no idea what it was.) I want more than anything to hang out with you during the week or more on the weekend, and I wish that you could hang out with me more. You are one of the greatest guys I know with the biggest heart. I wish you weren't so confused and I wish that I had answers or advice to give you, but unfortunately, I have neither. I want more than anything for my friends to be happy and now I feel stupid and selfish for throwing myself all the pity parties that I've been throwing myself the past few weeks or months or whatever. I don't deserve to have any friends and you certainly deserve better than me. I'm gonna go now, before I start crying in the library. But I want you to know that although I don't show it or say it nearly enough, I love you so much (more than a pussy cat loves cream) and that I got your back even if you can't always see me and if you every need anything, don't ever feel as if you can't come to me. And also remember, You are the friend that I have loved the longest. ~Smess
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