Hmph!
In case you were wondering... That expression in the title means that I just don't know what to say. I didn't have a bad day, but I still wouldn't say it was very productive (unless you call making just over $7 an hour for 8 hrs. today productive).
The past few days haven't been outstanding; and that's including going to the Beach waterpark Wed. I think I'm going through a case of the blues. It happens every once and a while with me. I get to see my wonderful friends on a regular basis (daily almost) and I enjoy my job, but something's holding me back. I think I'm in a "faith rut"; I'm just complacent with my faith and don't try hard to develop my friendship with God. Then, I whine about why I feel this way. The sad part is...I don't really want anyone to help (especially God). It's important to get the full spectrum of possible emotions in life; but I am pretty independent and I don't want anyone else telling me when to change moods (much less helping me to do so - as God would surely do). So, basically I don't want myself to have what I think I should have. (if that makes any sense)
I want to be happy with my life, and I am for the most part (except when it falls terribly short of what I think it is). While I want to be happy; I don't want anyone to make me happy but me. I want to do some things alone. This comes from having a controlling mother/sister/and some friends. The problem is...the best way to change something for the better is to offer it up to God to do the work - in other words leave it up to someone else. This is exactly what I don't want.
I guess I'll get through this though... not to sound too pathetic. My faith, though it's not deepening as we speak, is still strong and I know God will lighten my load soon enough.
Peace Out ~
The past few days haven't been outstanding; and that's including going to the Beach waterpark Wed. I think I'm going through a case of the blues. It happens every once and a while with me. I get to see my wonderful friends on a regular basis (daily almost) and I enjoy my job, but something's holding me back. I think I'm in a "faith rut"; I'm just complacent with my faith and don't try hard to develop my friendship with God. Then, I whine about why I feel this way. The sad part is...I don't really want anyone to help (especially God). It's important to get the full spectrum of possible emotions in life; but I am pretty independent and I don't want anyone else telling me when to change moods (much less helping me to do so - as God would surely do). So, basically I don't want myself to have what I think I should have. (if that makes any sense)
I want to be happy with my life, and I am for the most part (except when it falls terribly short of what I think it is). While I want to be happy; I don't want anyone to make me happy but me. I want to do some things alone. This comes from having a controlling mother/sister/and some friends. The problem is...the best way to change something for the better is to offer it up to God to do the work - in other words leave it up to someone else. This is exactly what I don't want.
I guess I'll get through this though... not to sound too pathetic. My faith, though it's not deepening as we speak, is still strong and I know God will lighten my load soon enough.
Peace Out ~
posted by Michael-Fay @ 7/09/2004 06:43:00 PM
3 Comments:
At July 11, 2004 12:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hold in there buddy. We are in the same situation, sorta. Not the independent thing, I don't really have a problem with that. But the "developing my relationship with God part" is not going so well. We need to help each other out, if that doesn't go against your independent thing too much.
At July 12, 2004 6:45 PM,
Anonymous said…
Since I'm a man of little words, All I got to say is move over, because this "need to - developing my relationship with God" boat is getting crowed.
At July 14, 2004 12:16 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hey this is Topher. Sorry I didn't feel like creating an account. yup yup I know the feeling. And I know you've said that before but like you said it is you who will help yourself, so good luck and let me know if I can help/listen. I know you think I am always doing other things or always busy, but I'm never to busy for a phone call! :) SMILE!
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