I don't know!!

In the words of Julie Andrews from Sound of music:

"I don't know; I don't KNOW!"

I am faced with one of the biggest decision of my life since choosing a college. I have to pick between Highlands H.S. and Simon Kenton H.S. for my student teaching.

The problem is all the pros and cons for each just about equal the other's. Highlands is a great opportunity professionally. They are actively recruiting me and may offer me a position when I graduate. I think I'll like the teacher there and the students will be students. (duh) On the other hand, I already know and have worked with the teacher from SK. We will do well together, I'm sure.

I was originally scheduled to go to SK, and Highlands is just a recent offer. I would not even be contemplating this, if Debbie (SK teacher) wasn't going to be on maternity leave for the first few weeks of my student teaching. This would set me back almost to X-mas for finishing the semester. I really don't want that!

I guess, considering all the advice I've been given, Highlands is the better of the two; but I just feel like this whole summer has been leading up to teaching at SK, and now I have to switch gears and do something else.

I've been praying about this and I will have already chosen by the time you read this; so just pray that my decision results in the experience I was meant to have this Fall.

~

What do you think???

I don't pretend to know everything; but I do try to understand what I can. I want to be a good Christian, but there are so many ways that I fall short. I think sometimes that no matter what I do, I am always wrong.

I have friends; they are very important to me. But I can't help feeling hatred toward some of them at times. I know that we can't be together all the time; but I would like to know that they try as hard as me to be around. I sometimes feel like I have given so much time and energy to the relationship and they don't seem to care all that much. Does anyone else feel this way? Is this a common feeling because I know how strongly I feel about people, but don't know their exact thoughts?

I don't want to sound ungrateful; I know my friends have done plenty for me. I just get upset when I go out of my way to let EVERYONE know about a party I'm having, and other people just let a few in the group know about fun stuff. I know it's hard to tell everyone everything, especially when we're all so busy. I know that I have purposely failed to inform all of my friends about last minute plans to watch a movie and swim at my house, based on the "clan" of friends I invited and want to spend time with. I understand that we have different groups of friends, and I cannot be angry about being left out of plans for this reason. I know Kris goes out with Emily onc in a while; Sends has his 'Ville friends; Smess has girl time... What I cannot get over is how someone invites a large group to an event (incorporating the "old school" group with C! people) and leaves me out.

Ok, so I don't want to specify all the details of the straw that broke the camel's back. This has happened many times before; I'm just now given a reason and an outlet to rant.

I love you guys,

Michael-Fay

(Dave you know this isn't you right?)

Viva las drogas!!

Hooray for drugs!!

Well, today started out ok, but went crappy from there. Nothing bad happened; in fact, I got to sleep over 9 hrs. (by some fluke)

The problem was that my allergies were ravaging me. I couldn't stop sneezing and my nose was dripping snot. (sounds great huh?) When I got to work, I already had Benadryl, then I took Sudafed Cold/sinus/allergy. That started to wear off, then I took more Benadryl. Now I'm dead tired and drowsy, and trying to add a post to my blog because a certain fiend (I mean friend) in Louisville wants me to update it.

Anyway, today was sucky in general and I've been dwelling on some things this past week that are just making me irritable. I've been thinking a lot about what I want for my future (marriage/single/relig. life). I have so many confusing thoughts running around about why I feel called to one over the other, but none has a super strong attraction for me. I can't get past the idea of having kids some day; I can't get away from people who think I would make a good priest; and I don't know if I am emotionally dependent enough to live the single life.

On top of that, I've been tearing myself apart trying to figure out some Why's about my friends. (for more info. on that, you'll have to talk with me in person - too little room on the internet for that)

Now that I'm completely exhausted, I need to go on a date with my pillow.

The 'Ville

Well, I just had a very eventful weekend. I took a little trippy trip to Louisville to watch the greatest sport ever invented (Ultimate Frisbee). After working long and hard Saturday night, I trekked down 71 to see my bestest friend who is away at school/coop. SENDS

Sunday, frisbee day, was hotter than *ahem* (cough). We mostly lounged around while Mikey/Sends kicked butt on the field. I have to say I enjoyed this trip. Last time I went to visit, I was only there for a few hours (crazy, yeah - but worth it).

After frisbee, the REAL friends went to "The Vine" - a non-denominational Christian worship service place that Sends really enjoys. I liked it a lot better this time around (being my second time). The speaker was great and said some stuff that I needed to hear. Chalk one up for the G man - he knows what's up!!

Driving home was no fun though; I drove back alone and was being stalked by a gold Cavalier all the way home. I eventually broke away outside of Florence due to some rough weather, and lost them. I wonder what ever happened to Smess and Dave (who were supposed to be following me)???

Oh well, another day, another dollar...

Each step taken brings you closer to the end of the journey; step wisely.

Hmph!

In case you were wondering... That expression in the title means that I just don't know what to say. I didn't have a bad day, but I still wouldn't say it was very productive (unless you call making just over $7 an hour for 8 hrs. today productive).

The past few days haven't been outstanding; and that's including going to the Beach waterpark Wed. I think I'm going through a case of the blues. It happens every once and a while with me. I get to see my wonderful friends on a regular basis (daily almost) and I enjoy my job, but something's holding me back. I think I'm in a "faith rut"; I'm just complacent with my faith and don't try hard to develop my friendship with God. Then, I whine about why I feel this way. The sad part is...I don't really want anyone to help (especially God). It's important to get the full spectrum of possible emotions in life; but I am pretty independent and I don't want anyone else telling me when to change moods (much less helping me to do so - as God would surely do). So, basically I don't want myself to have what I think I should have. (if that makes any sense)

I want to be happy with my life, and I am for the most part (except when it falls terribly short of what I think it is). While I want to be happy; I don't want anyone to make me happy but me. I want to do some things alone. This comes from having a controlling mother/sister/and some friends. The problem is...the best way to change something for the better is to offer it up to God to do the work - in other words leave it up to someone else. This is exactly what I don't want.

I guess I'll get through this though... not to sound too pathetic. My faith, though it's not deepening as we speak, is still strong and I know God will lighten my load soon enough.

Peace Out ~

Wow, I'm publishing on the web!

Hey, this is so cool!! I'm writing something on my home PC and soon people will be able to read it online.

Ok, I'm over it now. That was fun. Wanna do it again??

That's all I've got for now. Coming soon: My Thoughts in writing. Prepare for a long read. I think a lot.