Buddy!
Here is my theory of the day. It's been a long time since I have let the creative juices flow in writing, so this may get wordy...
If you've kept up with my life at all, you could assume that I went a long time without close personal ties. Aside from family and family friends (the old people), I did not have anyone with which to share intimacy and affection. Yes I was an affectionate child (just ask my grandmas), but rushing in to see those familiar faces and hugging randomly only satisfies one form of social need.
As I grew up, I caught little glimpses of another type of social fulfillment. I made acquaintances with kids my age! This was the equivalent of smelling the Forbidden Fruit; as it would turn out, I was not permitted to taste the full experience of the fruit at the time. So on I went, making semi-friends and forging at least one lasting friendship (it didn't truly blossom until much later). Much to my dismay and due largely to my own faults, I would not grow closer to these peers with whom I was acquainted.
Skip ahead several years to adolescence; this is a trying time for many youths. For me, high school was a self-built prison. Imagine if you will any fantasy world you know; consider any character and his/her self-knowledge. It makes sense that this character could build the most effective prison for himself; in other words, she knows just the limit of her prowess and just how to combat her own powers.
We know our best torture. I knew what I wanted most, and I knew just how to prevent it. I was able to make myself believe that I could not achieve it. In all actuality I would not allow myself to achieve it. I am speaking here of the close personal tie of true friendship, even more so of true love.
This was supposed to be a happy dissertation, so let's get on with it. Eventually, I was pleased to discover that I did have the ability to achieve happiness for myself. I had to let a great many things happen first, but I was successful. It actually brings a tear to my eye when I think about it today, a tear of joy and gratitude.
It's funny how a single word that I've used on countless occasions could give me such a rush of meaning. There have been many people in my life that I have given the name Buddy. I had the infamous My Buddy doll when I was little; my dog, Shadow, was my first living buddy; cousins, much younger children, etc. The list is long now with my real friends that I call buddy. I know the emotion and the will behind the name when I say it; I know that it means I would go to the ends of the earth, around the block, and even out of my comfy bed for them.
The beautiful thing that I recently had the pleasure of realizing is that other people might possibly feel the same way about me. The saying "friends are friends, pals are pals, but buddies sleep together" may not be true, but there is a kernel of wisdom there. Too often, we talk about our "friends" and say that this person and that person and Tom and Jane is our BEST friend; we say pal in a sarcastic tone to people we wouldn't want to look at sideways. But when we say buddy, there is a special way we hold our mouth to let the word squeeze out in the most playful way. In all actuality, a friend is what we all know it is, and a pal is not necessarily better. Now a buddy, that's someone special!
Of course, I have had people call me buddy before. A friend here or there may have referred to me as a buddy of his/hers; however, rarely has the person used the special way of saying the name that I find so unique and special.
Recently, as I said, a very good *Buddy* of mine has begun referring to me on the phone as "buddy". When I call him we talk about the important and unimportant stuff at random, and when we hang up I say "I'll talk to you later", or "Alright, I'll call you back in a bit". The most comforting thing I have discovered in my life (aside from a much needed and much anticipated hug) is his reply to my comment - "Ok, later *buddy*."
Thank you for being the one to show me what I thought I was missing. Thank you, Buddy!!
If you've kept up with my life at all, you could assume that I went a long time without close personal ties. Aside from family and family friends (the old people), I did not have anyone with which to share intimacy and affection. Yes I was an affectionate child (just ask my grandmas), but rushing in to see those familiar faces and hugging randomly only satisfies one form of social need.
As I grew up, I caught little glimpses of another type of social fulfillment. I made acquaintances with kids my age! This was the equivalent of smelling the Forbidden Fruit; as it would turn out, I was not permitted to taste the full experience of the fruit at the time. So on I went, making semi-friends and forging at least one lasting friendship (it didn't truly blossom until much later). Much to my dismay and due largely to my own faults, I would not grow closer to these peers with whom I was acquainted.
Skip ahead several years to adolescence; this is a trying time for many youths. For me, high school was a self-built prison. Imagine if you will any fantasy world you know; consider any character and his/her self-knowledge. It makes sense that this character could build the most effective prison for himself; in other words, she knows just the limit of her prowess and just how to combat her own powers.
We know our best torture. I knew what I wanted most, and I knew just how to prevent it. I was able to make myself believe that I could not achieve it. In all actuality I would not allow myself to achieve it. I am speaking here of the close personal tie of true friendship, even more so of true love.
This was supposed to be a happy dissertation, so let's get on with it. Eventually, I was pleased to discover that I did have the ability to achieve happiness for myself. I had to let a great many things happen first, but I was successful. It actually brings a tear to my eye when I think about it today, a tear of joy and gratitude.
It's funny how a single word that I've used on countless occasions could give me such a rush of meaning. There have been many people in my life that I have given the name Buddy. I had the infamous My Buddy doll when I was little; my dog, Shadow, was my first living buddy; cousins, much younger children, etc. The list is long now with my real friends that I call buddy. I know the emotion and the will behind the name when I say it; I know that it means I would go to the ends of the earth, around the block, and even out of my comfy bed for them.
The beautiful thing that I recently had the pleasure of realizing is that other people might possibly feel the same way about me. The saying "friends are friends, pals are pals, but buddies sleep together" may not be true, but there is a kernel of wisdom there. Too often, we talk about our "friends" and say that this person and that person and Tom and Jane is our BEST friend; we say pal in a sarcastic tone to people we wouldn't want to look at sideways. But when we say buddy, there is a special way we hold our mouth to let the word squeeze out in the most playful way. In all actuality, a friend is what we all know it is, and a pal is not necessarily better. Now a buddy, that's someone special!
Of course, I have had people call me buddy before. A friend here or there may have referred to me as a buddy of his/hers; however, rarely has the person used the special way of saying the name that I find so unique and special.
Recently, as I said, a very good *Buddy* of mine has begun referring to me on the phone as "buddy". When I call him we talk about the important and unimportant stuff at random, and when we hang up I say "I'll talk to you later", or "Alright, I'll call you back in a bit". The most comforting thing I have discovered in my life (aside from a much needed and much anticipated hug) is his reply to my comment - "Ok, later *buddy*."
Thank you for being the one to show me what I thought I was missing. Thank you, Buddy!!
posted by Michael-Fay @ 3/30/2006 12:17:00 PM
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