Easter Thoughts - Part 2
I just published my first theological discourse!!
I've had a pretty liesurely, yet busy weekend; I got a lot of stuff done in my personal life and my social life. I worked a lot, and I did almost no homework. But my weekend is not over yet. The cool thing about TMC is the Easter break (4-day weekend).
So, I have no class Monday, but I have to work and do some exercising/running; not to mention I have homework that I need to do and projects to be thinking about. Ok, so it's not too stressful, but I'd like to get it done soon and not have to be rushed later. I'm pretty bad at procrastinating (or good at it I guess) and personal deadlines mean nothing to me.
One of the things that I'm really procrastinating about is my "NEXT STEP". Since I'm set on going to grad school, I have to get going on that stuff. The problem lies in the closure of this stage of my life and some fears I have about the next stage. I understand that any big change is scary, and that I've gotten through all of the previous ones pretty well. However, this is different...
When I went from grade school to high school, it was mandatory and I had no decision in the matter. I just had to brace myself and make do; that, I am good at!! Going from high school to college was difficult because I had to choose where and what major, but it was still expected of me and I just had to brace myself and make do. Right now, grad school is eventually expected of me by my profession, but it's not pressing. Here, I have to choose where, what area, when, and finances; so I can't just brace myself and make do. I have to be proactive and motivated (what's that mean?).
Life comes at you fast... no shit Sherlock!!
I think the biggest source of uneasiness comes from choosing where and in what area I'll earn my masters. I have a program in mind and it's only offered at two schools close by. The problem is that I'm not so sure I'm ready for the next level of Chemistry. Even so, I have to consider all sorts of scenarios: If I can't go for free as I plan, do I still go now? or do I take out loans to pay for it, since I think it would be best?
Of course, a major part of the decision is the fact that I might absolutely love grad school and my new friends; and I might even find it a hassle to come "home" to visit. After all, I will be very busy with school. Of course, I'd have to give up C! and Christian Awakening for the time. I think I'm ready for that step because I've given back that way. Who knows, I may be called to come back to NKY and eventually be an adult Christian Awakening Leader. I know I have to make a step to go to the next part of my life, but it's so hard to leave such a wonderful life as I have here.
I'll be sad to leave my closest friends, not for my sake but theirs. I know we'll stay friends, though not as close, physically. I worry that I'm abandoning them and I fear that they will need me when I'm gone.
The funny thing is that I can hear God saying to me that I have to offer these thoughts to Him and trust Him to do what's best for me. I wonder why God sounds like Donna Heim in my head??
Well, I guess that's settled...I'll just count on God to show me the way.
-----------------------------
Right Now ~ Spent
A few minutes ago ~ Pensive/Thoughtful
I've had a pretty liesurely, yet busy weekend; I got a lot of stuff done in my personal life and my social life. I worked a lot, and I did almost no homework. But my weekend is not over yet. The cool thing about TMC is the Easter break (4-day weekend).
So, I have no class Monday, but I have to work and do some exercising/running; not to mention I have homework that I need to do and projects to be thinking about. Ok, so it's not too stressful, but I'd like to get it done soon and not have to be rushed later. I'm pretty bad at procrastinating (or good at it I guess) and personal deadlines mean nothing to me.
One of the things that I'm really procrastinating about is my "NEXT STEP". Since I'm set on going to grad school, I have to get going on that stuff. The problem lies in the closure of this stage of my life and some fears I have about the next stage. I understand that any big change is scary, and that I've gotten through all of the previous ones pretty well. However, this is different...
When I went from grade school to high school, it was mandatory and I had no decision in the matter. I just had to brace myself and make do; that, I am good at!! Going from high school to college was difficult because I had to choose where and what major, but it was still expected of me and I just had to brace myself and make do. Right now, grad school is eventually expected of me by my profession, but it's not pressing. Here, I have to choose where, what area, when, and finances; so I can't just brace myself and make do. I have to be proactive and motivated (what's that mean?).
Life comes at you fast... no shit Sherlock!!
I think the biggest source of uneasiness comes from choosing where and in what area I'll earn my masters. I have a program in mind and it's only offered at two schools close by. The problem is that I'm not so sure I'm ready for the next level of Chemistry. Even so, I have to consider all sorts of scenarios: If I can't go for free as I plan, do I still go now? or do I take out loans to pay for it, since I think it would be best?
Of course, a major part of the decision is the fact that I might absolutely love grad school and my new friends; and I might even find it a hassle to come "home" to visit. After all, I will be very busy with school. Of course, I'd have to give up C! and Christian Awakening for the time. I think I'm ready for that step because I've given back that way. Who knows, I may be called to come back to NKY and eventually be an adult Christian Awakening Leader. I know I have to make a step to go to the next part of my life, but it's so hard to leave such a wonderful life as I have here.
I'll be sad to leave my closest friends, not for my sake but theirs. I know we'll stay friends, though not as close, physically. I worry that I'm abandoning them and I fear that they will need me when I'm gone.
The funny thing is that I can hear God saying to me that I have to offer these thoughts to Him and trust Him to do what's best for me. I wonder why God sounds like Donna Heim in my head??
Well, I guess that's settled...I'll just count on God to show me the way.
-----------------------------
Right Now ~ Spent
A few minutes ago ~ Pensive/Thoughtful
posted by Michael-Fay @ 3/27/2005 10:52:00 PM
1 Comments:
At March 28, 2005 10:49 PM,
Smess said…
Just a thought about your Part one: contrary to what you may think, Easter is reguarded by the Church as the "most important" Church holiday.
And now a thought about part two: don't worry about us when you leave, you'll just be a phone call away and those of us still here will take good care of each other.
We love you :o)
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